Is it because I queefed?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
