ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
