My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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