Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
