arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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