no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
