I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize