he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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