I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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