The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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