He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
