Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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