i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
