So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
