She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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