I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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