I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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