after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
