I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
