Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
