If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
