the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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