literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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