I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
