She said her name was "party"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
