I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
