That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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