My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
