Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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