I'm so fucking centered right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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