So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
