Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
