we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
