why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
