Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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