Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
