i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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