I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
