2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
