Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
