my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
