I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
