i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The ass gains better be worth it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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