I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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