I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
