I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
