you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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