Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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