Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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