Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
