He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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