I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
