I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
