She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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