One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How drunk are you?
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