I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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