You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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