Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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