I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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