Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
