A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
